I remember those nights, still so vividly. I remember my small warm room and that tired, quiet voice that filled the room time and again. It was a love cry, the one that comes amid loneliness, when all the doors are closed and when no one else can hear you anymore. No one, except for maybe only one…
I was very young; in that beautiful time of freedom and university when for the first time you try that alluring taste of independence and maturity. At least, that’s what I thought. Always social and outreaching to people and company, I truly enjoyed the university! I worked, attended classes, passed exams and in spite of all the obligations I still had plenty of time to spend with plenty of friends I had. Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays were the days for going out. No one was equal to us, especially me. Always the leader of the pack, main catalyst and initiator, first in everything! Seemingly always happy, smiling and carefree. I hung with a few girls, we were inseparable. Our main goal was to go out, have a good time, dance, drink some and catch a decent boy. How faithful we were to the task. It wasn’t even a problem to reach most of these goals. But, achieving that one, the most important goal we couldn’t do: finding a decent boy. I simply didn’t know how, and there was no one to help me how. I really wanted someone to love, and who would love me back. One would think of all things that should be simple. It wasn’t for me. From this desperate need to find someone to give the love I’ve had, I started looking for that someone in all the wrong ways and in all the wrong places. A boy would come, dashing and fine, and I would think, this could be the one – and jump to action. Being so friendly and happy this was no problem for me. But this gorgeous little cloud of my initial adoration would soon dissipate for this or that reason, and in its place soon another cloud would float in. And so, going from one to another, slipping by faster and faster, my boundaries moved in my relationships with boys. I was far past first kisses, and I still could not find the one to accept my love. The days wend by, and my little room waited for me faithfully. In that little room I could freely be all that I was, with my fears, pain and sorrow. I had nothing to hide because no one could hear me in that room. No one, except for maybe only one…
Yes, someone heard my cries. God heard it. The One I wept to every night in that room, pleading for someone to be sent so I could love him. I could not imagine who my God would send. One night a dear friend called me, and I went to Church. And there I met the love of my life. I met someone who endlessly wants my love, who jealously yearns for it. I met Jesus. He was the first and only One who wanted and accepted my love. But he was also the first one to give me His love unconditionally, the love always so strong and beautiful. Today He speaks to me: “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.” (Song of Solomon 2:14). To my God I am beautiful and comely! He enjoys in me and I in Him. He always hears my voice, my laughter and sees my tears. He is always here to comfort me and to share my joy. I am no longer alone. I remember my first days with Him. I was so overwhelmed and thrilled. But some did not share my joy over newly found love. Disapprovals came from those closest to me, my parents. It was a difficult period for me, filled with threats, ugly words and moments. In the meantime I found a good job and graduated. However, throughout our shared life, I realized there was much I resented my parents for, and that I did not show them my love and respect that they surely deserved. I decided to change that and to become an example of God’s love for my parents. Soon after that decision, God has allowed me to become independent and I have moved from my parents and begun my life. God has slowly but surely started to work on my relationship with parents. Through hard times that came in the life of my family, I had many a chance to show them love and help. Today my parents respect my decision to follow Christ, they do not go against it and we have a good relationship. I trust God that He will, as He has promised, bring my family to His Kingdom, just as he brought me.
From the moment I met Jesus, a lot of things happened and changed. After I met Him I started coming into a small Christian Community with a few other Christians. I spent some time there and received a lot from God, but after some time I felt that God was calling me into a Church Word of Life. I was obedient to that call and, now after four years I still attend it with glorious surety that this is the place God wants me to be. God gave me wonderful friends with whom I can share everything, in honesty and without a hold. I know that He has prepared a husband for me and a wonderful family. Three years back I started ministering in a Sunday school for children. It is an amazing feeling to serve and raise the future generations that will follow God and spread His truth and love in this country and further. It is amazing to spend time with the little ones in Gods Kingdom, worship God with them, pray, play, cheer and also cry when needed. It is indescribably wonderful to have a God, because only with Him can we have permanent hope and honest joy and fulfillment. We know that life often brings pain and not all times are times of harmony, peace, joy and cheer. Sometimes are hard and there are moments when you don’t know how to go on, when fear grips you and you wonder will you make it through. But in the most difficult of moments, I have realized every time God extends to you even more. I am certain that I cannot go far enough for Him not to hear me, or fall deep enough for His hand not to reach me. I could not have dreamed nor imagine the extent of beauty that Jesus had prepared for me. I received the purpose and goals for life, certainty of where I will live in eternity, endless security in God’s love, protection and fidelity, the job I love and enjoy doing. And I know that so much more is still ahead. It will not always be easy, and I will probably make mistakes, but I know He will be there to lift me up, cleanse me, heal my wounds and help me move along. Today, He is speaking to you: “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it…” (Song of Solomon 8:6,7). Hear Him speak to you. Jesus is here, so close, yearning for you, for your comely face and your sweet voice…
